2008

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

In September we went on a 7 day cruise to Mexico. Amazingness. 

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I can't really remember any new ones that I made last year. I always start my year by trying to read a book a week & even though I read a lot, I definitely didn't fulfill that. This year I just want to focus more on my relationship with God & being a good wife & mother. I'm not even sure you could call that a resolution, though, because it'll be a work in progress for my whole life, I'm sure.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my cousin Valerie & friends Ashley, Jamie & Sherrie.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, my Punkin Nina (Aunt Lillian) died in June. I still can't believe it sometimes. I wish she was here to meet Benjamin.

5. What countries did you visit?

Just Mexico. We walked across the border twice with Tyler & Sherrie & had some good tacos & $.99 beer. And we went on a 7 day cruise with the Mahoney's. 

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

The drive to complete my projects. I have so many things half finished. It irritates me. 

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 4, 2008. It was the date I found out that I had miscarried. It changed my life drastically.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not worrying as much. I've really come far in trusting God in our finances, where we live, and when he wants us to have children. things that used to really wear on me don't anymore. 

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not sure I had one. 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got deathly ill (maybe an exaggeration) in february with a fever of 104 for like 3 days & thought i was going to do. No real injuries, though, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My tattoos. I'm so happy I finally finished my back, it's so beautiful! Also, I love my tattoo on my right arm. It's in memory of my Grandma & I had been wanting to get it for so long. Now I only have to wait to get it colored.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, car payments, food, vacation, & tattoos. 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Benjamin Patrick Boland. Finding out that I was pregnant was such a surprise. I had finally decided that I needed to just stop trying to control everything & it just happened. In the past 6 months I've come to completely adore my little boy even though I have yet to meet him.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Low feat. T-Pain by Flo Rida. I listened to a lot of Pop/Hip-Hop Radio this year. 

Compared to this time last year, are you:

17. Thinner or fatter?
Definitely fatter. 

18. Richer or poorer?

Definitely poorer.

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish that I would have spent more time with my friends & family. Not that I didn't spend a lot of time with them, but I wish I would have done more with the opportunities given to me.

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I wish I would have spent less time feeling sorry for myself. It ruined so much of my year.

21. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Christmas Eve at home with my parents, my brothers & other family. Christmas Day was spent driving to Mission Viejo to spend breakfast with Nate's family, then driving to Carson to hang out with all the Figueroa's, & then driving back to Mission Viejo to have dinner with the Perry's. 

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fell more in love with Nate & so in love with Benjamin.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, Private Practice, Brothers & Sisters, Eli Stone, & 90210.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nobody is worth that much of my time.

26. What was the best book you read?

I looked back over the books I read this year & Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer really stood out to me. It was so inspiring, I loved every part of it. And I'm not ashamed to say that I got hooked on the Twilight series. LOVE those books. 

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I grew to love Rihanna, Ray LaMontagne, Duffy, & Kanye West. Also, any new artist that FM 94.9 played. 

28. What did you want and get?

My tattoos.

29. What did you want and not get?

I'm sure there was plenty, but I can't really think of anything right now.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Dark Night & Step Up 2 The Streets. 

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I spent my 26th with my family. It was really low key. It was right after my Punkin Nina died, I was just starting my new job & moving from San Diego so that time is such a blur to me. 

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
My first reaction is to say that I wish I wouldn't have miscarried, our baby would be 6 months old about now. But then I think about it & I wouldn't be having Benjamin. God works everything for a reason.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Normal me, jeans & a t-shirt, horizontally striped shirts, but with some color. I tried to accessorize more...hats, scarves, jewlery. And I experimented with my hair a bit more. It was a fun year. 

34. What kept you sane?
More like "Who"...God. Nate. Hannah. My family. My close friends. I was in so much need this past year. I am so thankful for the people God has placed in my life. 

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jonathon Rhys Meyers. <3

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Not sure which one to choose. I guess I'll just say that this year I was pretty stirred, more so than other years. I was a lot more informed than in past elections. 

37. Who did you miss?
San Diego.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Corban & Harvey.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
I'm not in control. 

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

So live your life, ay ay ay.

Instead of chasing that paper.

Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay.

Ain't got no time for no haters.

Just live your life (Oh!) , ay ay ay.

No telling where it'll take you.

Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay.

it's difficult to say goodbye...

Goodbye, goodbye

Walk away it's hard to say goodbye

  

    

It's amazing to know someone that knows exactly what I'm thinking with one raise of an eyebrow. For the past 12 years we were nearly inseparable until the past few years when i got married, moved & she became the random world traveler that she is. Though we've been separated by distance before, I've always enjoyed coming home & driving down L.A. Avenue knowing that she was just on the other side of it. She's been my best friend, my other-other half, my confidant, my strength, my comforter & my road trip buddy. Being back in Moorpark for the past 6 months has made me really appreciate (all over again) what an amazing friend that God blessed me with. We were an unlikely pair, but I really don't know what I would have done without her. 

Obviously, I'm pretty bummed she's leaving & I don't think I've even really started to believe it yet. 

I'm going to miss Hannah so much.

life lately.

nate's been gone since thursday. i dropped him off at long beach airport thursday afternoon, he's spending 5 days with his grandma in petaluma, a little north of san francisco. i miss him like crazy! it'll be the longest amount of time we'll be separated since we got married. 

friday night my mom hosted her work party & even though i didn't know everybody, it was a lot of fun. it was especially awesome because hannah was there & anytime she's around i have such a great time. it's amazing to know someone so well that we don't even have to talk to communicate. spending so much time with her lately makes me so sad that she's leaving so soon. but i'm just gonna keep denying that fact for the time being. 

at 6:15 on saturday morning i was woken up by sherrie's mom letting me know that harvey abram williams was born! so crazy & unexpected since he wasn't due until january 1. i left later that morning to go & see him & he is so perfect. i was so blessed to be able to hang out with sherrie all afternoon & just spend some time with little harvey. i can't wait to see him again on tuesday after i pick up nate from the airport. 

seeing harvey & being there to watch how tyler & sherrie interacted with him made me all the more excited for benjamin to come. everyday i get closer & closer & the excitement is overwhelming. 

today i went to grace for church, hung out with everyone at home fellowship, & then went to grace's christmas pageant. it was pretty awesome. after 

much debate, hannah & i decided to hang out at starbucks for a bit & rachel joined us a bit later. i love these girls, they make my life so happy. 

weird.

it's such a weird feeling to put on a shirt that used to fit really loose & find that it now looks like it's painted on.

laughter.

nate has the most genuine and joyful laugh. it's almost boyish in a way.
it makes me happy. it makes me smile. 
i hope benjamin has a laugh just like his dad.

benjamin.

i'm 24 weeks along, which means in approximately 16 weeks benjamin will be here...that's only 4 months! i'm getting more & more excited everyday. i feel so blessed to be able to experience having a child. sure, pregnancy is not my favorite thing in the world; the backaches, getting stuck sitting on the floor, the shortness of breath, the weight gain...not my favorite things. but when i think of the end result & getting to be a mom it all fades away and the excitement just sets in. 

"behold, children are a gift of the lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward." psalm 127:3

lies women believe

i've been in a study with some women from my old church for the last five weeks & it's pretty stinkin amazing. we're reading the book "lies women believe: and the truth that sets them free" by nancy leigh demoss. this week's chapter focused on lies that women believe about marriage. i've been married for almost 2.5 years & even though this chapter was a reminder of how far i still have to go, i am so thankful for this teaching so early on in my marriage.

the last section of the chapter had this list that stood out to me & convicted me on so many levels:

• there is no marriage God cannot heal. there is no person God cannot change.
• the primary purpose of marriage is not to be happy, but to glorify God and reflect His redeeming, covenant love.
• God uses the rough edges of each partner in a marriage to conform the other to the image of Christ. your mate's weaknesses can become a tool in God's hand to make you into the woman He created you to be.
• true love--God's love--is unconditional and never fails. we cannot love another human being perfectly on our own. but God can love anyone through us, if we are willing to let Him. love is not a feeling; it is a commitment to act in the best interests of another. by God's grace, we can choose to love anyone, even if we do not have warm feelings toward that person.
• marriage is a covenant. God is a covenant-keeping God. he kept His promises to the nation of Israel, even when they were spiritually adulterous and pursued other lovers. the Lord Jesus keeps His promises to His bride--the church--even when we are unfaithful to Him. because He is faithful to keep His promises, it is never right for us to break the marriage covenant that was intended to be a picture of the redemptive relationship between God and His people.
• God has commanded us to forgive without limit.
• your faithfulness and willingness to extend sacrificial love to your mate may be the means of his spiritual healing, even as Christ's suffering was the means by which we were healed.
• God's grace is sufficient to enable you to be faithful to your mate and to love and forgive without limit.
• God will never forsake you. regardless of what you must endure, He will be there to carry you through.
• the rewards of faithfulness in this life may not be fully experienced until eternity. but faithfulness will be rewarded and it will be worth the wait.

i just want to encourage married women (& future married women) to look to Christ in your marriage, know that true happiness is not found in (or out of) your marriage, know that a godly life & prayer are a wife's two greatest means of influencing your husband's life, serve your husband & be his helper, know that submission places you under the covering and protection of God and when you step out from under that authority it makes you vulnerable to attacks from the enemy, & God created man to be an initiator and the woman to be the responder.

good job.

Good job Jimmie Johnson. I'm so excited that Hendricks won yet, another championship. :)

love.

i just wanted to save it.

twilight.

i'm soooo stinkin excited about this movie.

i know i got caught up in the trend.

but i don't care. :)

proverbs 31:10-31

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. 

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. 

She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. 

She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar. 

She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. 

She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. 

She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. 

She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night. 

She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle. 

She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy. 

She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 

She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. 

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. 

She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen. 

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. 

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 

She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. 

Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 

"Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all." 

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. 

Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

how i long to be this woman.

it's a boy!!

this is my baby boy. 

benjamin patrick boland.

wow.

i keep looking at this photo & i'm completely in awe of the fact that right now he's in me moving around or sleeping or listening to me talk. 

i am beyond excited...i don't even know the right word to use to describe how i completely can't wait for him to get here. 

i am even more in awe of the fact that in 5 short months i'll be holding him & talking to him & i'll be able to see what he looks like.

i am so in love with him already. 

thank you god. 

help wanted.

i'm jobless. last wednesday i was notified that i "didn't meet the terms of my probation" and was let go from my job with the city of thousand oaks. i'm bummed about the loss of income, but honestly am so excited to be out of there. it's wonderful to be released from the stress of going to a job that i disliked everyday. and it's awesome to be able to be pregnant and be home & rest when i need to. i have absolutely no idea what god has in store for us, but the unknown excites me a bit. now i have time to be crafty & work on all those little projects i've been dying to start & finish for so long now.

baby.

due march 20. i cannot wait.

i can't wait.

october 8-los angeles
october 11-las vegas

the excitement is overwhelming.

school.

school is done tonight. i'm so excited & really bummed out at the same time. i didn't finish my final project, which pretty much guaranteed me a non passing grade. i have been so busy & stressed the last 2 weeks i have hardly had any time or ability to focus on my schoolwork. i guess if anything, i'm stoked that i held out until the end, which is a lot to say for me.

tuesday news.

last night/today we decided that we're going to give our 30 day notice & move out of our wonderful little place in san diego. i'm so stressed out about other things in life, that i haven't really had time to be sad about it yet. we'll be moving back in with my parents if i get the job in thousand oaks that i applied for or back in with nate's if i don't. i'm trying hard not to let it worry me, but i think the pounding headache i have this afternoon can be attributed to my worry.

i am trying whole-heartedly to trust in god..."trying" being the key word here. when has he ever let me down? i have no reason not to.

morning freak out.

i'm starting to freak out.

i have a notebook assignment for my art class that is due today & i haven't even started it. i didn't realize until last night that it counts for a substantial amount of my grade. what sucks even more is that i have no time to work on it this weekend because i'll be in utah.

even more important than that, i haven't even started my final project. aaaauuuuuggggghhhh! it's due next thursday & i honestly have no idea what i'm doing.

only one more week until all of this is over. i'm just going to have to work my hardest today & see what i come up with.

*sigh*

i need an energy drink.

on another more exciting note (only to me) it's going to be freakin hot this weekend in utah & in vegas. i know it's going to be disgusting, but i love heat. i live for it. yay!

<3

i love this picture.

yuck.

today i came to the realization that i'm really not a starbucks coffee drinker any longer. i had the most disgusting & bitter cup of coffee i've ever had. i'd so much rather have a nice cup of mate vana tea or maybe a little cloud 9 rooibos. so goodbye starbucks coffee, we've had a nice run.

free.

i want to be freed. i want to be content with my life. i don't want to be jealous and bitter anymore. i want my situation to stop holding me back from living the rest of my life. i don't want it to dictate everything that i do. i want to not only realize that god has a plan for my life, but be able to trust that, too. i want to get over it.

crruuuush.

i have a crush on jonathon rhys myers.

writing this post even makes me blush. pathetic.

a-lone.

I'm feeling really alone out here in San Diego right now. The lonliness comes & goes & this is one of those times that it feels like it's taken hold & isn't leaving anytime soon. My world feels so small & I can't seem to find a way to connect with old friends anymore. I have failed to get involved here & make new friends for a number of reasons & I know that has hurt me a lot. I just long for the days when I had friends all around me & I knew what was going on in their lives & i had people who I depended on & who depended on me. I know I should let go of those days because thinking of them hinders me moving on, but part of me keeps hoping they'll come back around it'll be like it was. I lost a lot when I moved away from everyone I knew.

today.

I'm sitting under falling stars.

Do you miss me where you are?

I'm making plans to be with you.

But have they come unglued?

What am I do to without you?

i feel lost.

i feel like screaming.

i feel sad.

i feel hopeless.

i feel empty.

i feel like crying. 

i feel unglued.

i feel like things are never going to be the same again.

i feel out of control.